Disney, Deserts, Dreams, and Delights!

Wow, how times flies when you are at War!

I must confess though for 29 days I was on leave in the States having the time of my life:

I spent 10 glorious days reuniting with Ty and Ray, and Benji! We did Disney World, stayed at Shades of Green Resort at Disney World, a military resort for Soldiers and their families...we blasted through 3 out of the 4 parks with Tyson boldly leading the way! It was fun to just go along for the ride with my now very adult children....

It is amazing to me...while it was 3 years ago Christmas that we were all together...it seems in their development much longer....oh my...as I watched I saw Pastor Tyson...minister, organize..oh my how well he is organized...(I wish i had more of that gene) and love on people...his church loves him and Ray.

I got to see Ray teach a class of students, and to revel in the transformation I have been privileged to witness in her own life from the camo kicking tom boy..to the beautiful and Godly gracious woman I saw teach jr high kids about the certainty of God! Talk about a blessing!

And then there is my youngest..the last time i saw him was 2 years ago in Biloxi at Keesler...still stuck between manhood and teen....but when I saw him this trip...there is no doubt in anyone's mind of the amazing man he has become! Oh my goodness..the same sweet kind spirit that has always touched my heart...but a new found confidence and drive...that I find myself so admiring in him!

My children are grown, their lives are full and glorious..God has answered the prayers of this Father...in many ways for me it was a passing of the torch, from each one of them insisting that they pay for our meal at different times, to the leadership displayed in certain arenas of life....I found myself silently slipping back to the back seat...and just enjoying this new position of friend and mentor rather than Father, provider..needed...it was a bitter sweet moment for sure..and yet so necessary, natural and healthy!

WOW talk about proud.

The latter part of my leave was spent in Palm Springs with my good friend Michelle. We toured the country side (thanks to my navigator patience, who seems to get me lost more than I do), we hiked Andreas Canyon and sat beside the pools of the oasis there in the middle of the desert..and laughed and talked and envisioned a new future...such a great time.

I now know what a village idiot is....and it is my favorite....although perhaps the guy singing on the guitar wasn't as appreciative of me joining in a stirring rendition of Brown Eyed Girl...lol oh well, it was my vacation!

A late night swim, more sunshine soaked up and a chance to catch up on my sleep and my own imagination....fireside talks, and dreams....

In 3.5 months Lord willing I will get to return to the island and after 2 years of my life being on hold, searching, waiting, praying..it is time to begin living it again with the things the Lord has in store for me..

Army News:

I love my mission here, I love ministering to Joes..I am told I am good at it, I am just glad that my past life has given me some tools that allow me to relate to their stories....I think too many of us believers have lost touch with "real people" and their real problems...

Perhaps all of us would do well to follow Jesus model and wander around touching, teaching, seeing the needs, trying to meet the needs, before standing in our houses, often times out of touch, telling people the answer without having ever lived or understood the question...of course the answer is Jesus...I get that...but to touch a leper while healing them is so much better than just saying be healed....just my thoughts...

To those of you who follow...the journey to authenticity, is a lot like the story of the Velveteen Rabbit...does it hurt, he asked....yes.....but in the end you will be real...

And after all...isn't that what we all long for?

In His Grace

Just Troy

Candles in the Desert

Good morning my fine friends!

Alas, Forty Five years is far too short a time to live among such excellent and admirable people. "I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve".

Over the last week, many of you have written on my Face Book wall recounting memories that have long since faded from my view...ahh so good to reflect....ahh so hard at times to remember and to have said goodbye to so many friends...such purpose and meaning...

Birthdays are a mixed bag...I think.......you need them to stay alive, but each one checks off mercilessly the time allotted to each soul....Oh Lord teach us to count our days in order to make our days count....seems a little trite as I reflect over the last 4 plus decades of walking this world....

It is odd, that today all of these memories, bring me sadness..and to be honest, none were sad memories...so as I muse out loud...I am not sure why....

Thank you to all of you....it certainly will be a Birthday I will never forget, another year older as I blow out candles in the desert

JT

More Like Falling in Love

Greetings fellow traveler!

I just spent the last week hoping from FOB to FOB via "Huey Express"
So many thoughts tonight as I close out another week in theater...I have held 7 services in the last 4 days, on three different FOBs, each one grateful and hungry for worship, prayers, fellowship and the presence of the Holy in the midst of the Horrors of war....as I reflect on this ministry..so many things come to mind...there is a song by Jason Gray I think, that I would sing for you, but because I havent figured out how to attach videos yet, I will just share the words that describe my sense of the Holy today...

Give me rules
I will break them
Give me lines
I will cross them
I need more than a truth to believe
I need a truth that lives, moves, and breathes
To sweep me off my feet
It ought to be

More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
It's like I'm falling, oh
It's like I'm falling in love

Give me words
I'll misuse them
Obligations
I'll misplace them
'Cause all religion ever made of me
Was just a sinner with a stone tied to my feet
It never set me free
It's gotta be

More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
It's like I'm falling, oh
It's like I'm falling in love

...It's like I'm falling in love, love, love
Deeper and deeper
It was love that made
Me a believer
In more than a name, a faith, a creed
Falling in love with Jesus brought the change in me

Most services, messages and opportunities to
minister would do well to answer the heart
cry behind this song, when they attempt to speak
on behalf of God..

We all would be better for it....

The one thing Jesus said was greater than anything else:

LOVE!

The Love of God to man, "nothing can separate us from the Love of God"
the love of man to man, "by your love one towards another"
the love of man to God "Love the Lord your God with all your heart...."

So in the spirit that this is written

I love you all

T

Siren's Song

I should be listening to Elk Bugling calling me to the alpine snow covered mountains, inviting me to come once again to our annual contest of man against nature. Instead of 20 degree temperatures tonight and snow falling, I sit in Afghanistan in 100 degree heat listening to the Imam call to evening prayer.


And so while my body is here tonight encouraging Soldiers to press on, truly my spirit and my mind, and my heart are elsewhere. Except this fall it is not the siren song of the Wapiti that have made my pulse quicken and my eyes take on a far off look...this euphoric existential experience is about the future, and yet many ways about the past, of going back to Oahu, to the life that beckons me daily to join in its oceanic rhythm of life, to walk hand in hand embracing each new day that the Lord brings with ecstasy and passion that too long traveling the deserts of this world can bring.

Yes tonight I dream of the sweet caress of the Island, of each new vista shared, of each new memory made, of paths yet to be discovered, of challenges to be met, laughing and a jumping all along its waterfalls.

I hear her calling, beckoning me back to Hemolele, never again will I look at life the same,or take for granted what yesterday seemed so trivial that now today I would sacrifice so much to have,....a working phone....a cup of coffee with a friend....time with my sons and daughter in law, a drive in an island smart car for the first time...to take the top off of my jeep and let the rain wash away the grime of the journey as I wait expectantly for the rainbow that I know is coming...the touch of a kiss that sparks thoughts of romance as the sun gently caresses the ocean's horizon. To sit on the shore and listen to the sound of the gentle breeze breathing in and out through the trees...to softly sing songs of worship and to be one.....

This is my Siren calling tonight.... the deep trails of North Shore, the ocean beaches, the evening sun sets, the mistress of my soul, oh how I long to look deeply into her eyes and to experience all that God has created....
to drink my fill of her essence,
to drink my fill of the Island until time is no more...
and leaves me in awe whispering softly

Who is like God

Aloha

GI JOY

Walking in the Future today!

I have a friend who wrote me a letter last week, she said, knowing now what she knows, she would go through all the pain again to possess the future that God has shown her....I have pondered these words....I have said for years, I don't know what you week held, but I do know the one who held your week. I don't know what your future holds, but I do know who holds your future. As I contemplated her words, I wondered if I would "redo" my past-going through all of the hurt and pain if I got to experience this part of my journey, all of its lessons, and all of the God moments, and especially the new people I have had the privilege of being touched by....

I read in my devotion this morning about the future...God says, "You need not fear the future, for I am already there. When you make the quantum leap into eternity, you will find Me awaiting you in heaven, Your future is in My Hands; I release it to you day by day, moment by moment. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow" Such a good thought...

Truth #1 I am here exactly where I am at today, by my God's design not random chance, others choices...or even a combo of all....

Truth #2 God has laid out my steps, my future and is already there enjoying it with me! I just am not quite aware of it yet, but at times I almost see it, like the few moments in between dreamland and waking when you are really in both worlds...oh what I see is so good..only God could do what He has done in my life

Truth #3 Your past is not an indicator of your future, but rather a stepping stone into it.

Truth #4 God is especially fond of me!

As I pen this in the most unlikely of places this morning, (Fob Finley Shields, Jalalabad Afghanistan)...it is ironic to me, that I am not only here, but I am happy, I have traded in all of my old life in the last 3 years...only a few very close friends remain...my finances have been completely reworked, my faith has been completely rewritten, my family refined, my future reset...and yet, I smile this morning with all that is in me, (okay maybe not all, I am kinda weary from the journey) but mostly...of the goodness of God in the land of the living...

I cannot wait to walk in my new future...err wait...scratch that, I am walking in my future today...and loving every new detail

And So...:} the answer is yes, I would redo it to experience, to obtain this future that I now get to call my present! and what a present it is!

Dios Te Bendiga

T

Bullets, Body Armor, Bombs and Bad Guys!

What a week of intense battles here...as I write this I got to welcome back so many of my Soldiers...I cant say how many went on this mission for OP SEC reasons, but they all came back. I cant tell you how much I have prayed for their well being.


Rest seems to be a re-occurring theme in my life...I remember writing racing to rest a year ago, and here I am tonight, very weary from the pace of life, and yet so excited at what God is doing that I don't seem to mind. But I wanted to share my devotion this month with you, it is borrowed from Sarah Young's Jesus is Calling

Rest in me, my child. This time devoted to Me is meant to be peaceful, not stressful. You don't have to perform in order to receive my love. I have boundless, unconditional Love for you. How it grieves Me to see My children working for Love: trying harder and harder, yet never feeling good enough to be loved.

Be careful that your devotion to Me does not become another form of works. I want you to come into my presence joyfully and confidently. You have nothing to fear, for you wear my own righteousness. Gaze into My Eyes, and you will see no condemnation, only love and delight in the one I see. Be blessed as my face shines radiantly upon you, giving you peace.

As I reflect on these thoughts it has repeatedly occurred to me, that not a bullet, not a bomb, not a bad guy, can take my life without the one who holds it granting them permission. While I do wear my body armor, (I am not an idiot) I do not place my faith in it to save me while I walk the streets of J-Bad or Nangahar.

As I prepare to start traveling up North into the "the Valley of the Shadow" I truly fear no evil...and that just makes everything so okay.

I have gazed into the eyes of my Lord..he has looked back at me with love acceptance and forgiveness...and to that I say Hooah...now where exactly is that water pistol as we charge hell...oh well who needs it anyway....BY COURAGE AND ARMS!

Be Blessed my friends, for I am!

My God has shown me my future..and it is hand in hand with him in this life enjoying the goodness of His Gift to me!

Just Troy

What Dreams May Come!

My Life-Song

I went down to the keys
I was trying to find me
I got lost somewhere
Felt like nobody cared

Lord you gave me a dream
Bout two guitars it seemed
One was a new sunburst
One seemed of little worth

Broken scarred and abused
I thought the dream was about you
But as the years have passed
The meaning of the dream I grasped

The dream was about me
My broken heart and fears it seems
I was living for man’s praise
Instead of the one you raised

In this dream I felt Love
Big Brown eyes like a Dove
Are they yours staring at me?
Or my future that I see…

Now I am at peace
My heart and hurt you’ve healed
God sent me an Angel
And a dream that seemed so real

Chorus:

You are favored
Your are favored
My Beloved, I died for you
You are favored
You are Favored
Great plans I have for you!

You are favored
You are favored
Oh my child how I love you
You are favored
You are favored
Oh my child how I love you

TAG
I am favored
I am favored
This I know is eternal truth
I am favored
I am favored

Oh MY GOD how I love you…

I am favored
I am favored
This I know is eternal truth
I am favored
I am favored

Oh My God how I love you

Tears in the Desert- A Chaplain's Prayer

I heard the roar of the Black Hawks racing low on the Horizon before I spotted them. They are our guardian angels hovering never far from us, a radio blip away from support, extraction, supplies. But today, they are bringing in fallen heroes as I wait my mind floats back over the last part of my own journey..

In one of my favorite movies, a newspaper reporter walks up to Capt Call after finishing his 1000 mile trek with Gus, the reporter said, "they say your a man of vision,.......A myriad of images of his life float across his mind's eye screen....all that had been lost, all that had been accomplished..so much sacrifice on the journey, to which he then replied, "yea helluva vision".

Many have pondered my journey, me not the least..some have judged, some have supported, some have stopped being my friend..like Woodrow's life my journey has come at great cost....at times it has not been understood by those on the outside asking questions...but if i have learned anything from this path, it is that true friends reveal themselves in the hard times, like Job's friends, they may not always say the right thing, but they come, they show up, stay up, and shut up for long periods of time in support, and my favorite part, many of you spoke up...with words of life, and at times words of direction when I was wandering...

Like Capt Call, as I reflect today on it all, I am reminded in life that their is always going to be evil present, I believe the Apostle Paul even penned those words...so wishing for trouble or evil free lives, is just that, wishful thinking...instead I have learned and am still learning that while there is always evil or bad present, there is also always good..it is not just a matter of perspective either, I have seen tremendous good come from horrendous evil....and it has caused me to have more faith, not less, a deeper resiliency to who I am in Christ. And who He is in me....and so tonight I wait...

To watch young men be tenderly carried onto a plane, to kneel and say a prayer over them and their waiting family, who are on the other side of this desert waiting to receive their loved one finally home, who gave their last full measure of devotion to God and country, and it always brings a tears to my eyes....

Almighty God, my prayer is that our lives invested here will have made a difference, that there will one day be a free united Afghanistan...but till then my prayer is for my brothers and sisters in arms in harms way....God please be their forward shield, and their rear guard, give your angels charge over them to keep them and protect them...and as each new Hero takes their place by your side...may they join the ranks of those watching over us

Tonight as I shed tears in the desert
please grant this chaplain's prayer..

Behold I Make All Things New!

It is an interesting journey that the Lord has placed me upon!

Most days I rise before the sun and listen to the Imams call to prayer, the sound of 50 cals in the background, and the thundering of Black hawks out on their morning missions. In a country that is in desperate need of God, I find no shortage of prayers being offered 5 plus times daily. And so I will let God worry about being God and bringing the solution for the darkness I see around me in this works based culture. I will worry about bringing God to Soldiers and Soldiers to God with every ounce of strength that is in me.

Without a doubt this represents the greatest challenge of my life. I am bombarded daily with the needs of Soldiers, seeking advise on life, family, stress, career, chain of command, ideation and life after death. The hours are long, the pay is short, and the times are amazing...If you would have told me three years ago I would be here, I think we all would have laughed...and yet tonight I type this on a Forward Operating Base in Jalalabad Afghanistan on my laptop with the sound of Helicopter racing over head to strike in the night...crazy, and yet so filled with purpose..

I do not know what the future holds...but I do personally know the one who holds it and I have learned to trust in ways I never thought possible..

EPH 3:20 is more than one of my favorite verses today..it is my anchor for my life and mission...

2 Corinthians is still my life verse and I claim it everyday...If any man be in Christ he is a new creation the old things are passed away, behold I make all things new! God is remaking my life...it is a very good thing...

Helen Keller once said, God always opens new doors when He closes another...trouble is we look so long at the closed door we often miss the new open one..I am opening the new door

To all my friends from the journey, I learned the last couple of years what a real friend looks like, I learned who my real friends were/are...for those of you who are not, I bear you no ill will, just part of my journey of self discovery and letting your chapter close in my life, so God can open the new ones...

He is writing an amazing story...I am excited to one day have it read in His presence...to all of my friends, when you think of me, I hope you think fondly, whisper a prayer for me and my men...If not in this life, we will catch up in the next....

Now may the Lord bless you and keep you, lift up his face and make his countenance shine upon you and give you peace, and until we meet again May my great GOD hold you all in the palm of his hand..

Your Friend

PSALMS 91

Good morning my fellow travelers,

I find myself praying this Psalm more and more for my Soldiers before we roll outside the wire on our missions....Such hope and comfort found in the words of King David from so long ago...he was a warrior too..perhaps that is why it resonates so with my heart and the heart of my men....

I share it with you today!

Whoever goes to the Lord for safety,whoever remains under the protection of the Almighty, can say to him,"You are my defender and protector.You are my God; in you I trust."

He will keep you safe from all hidden dangers and from all deadly diseases. He will cover you with his wings;you will be safe in his care;his faithfulness will protect and defend you. You need not fear any dangers at night or sudden attacks during the day or the plagues that strike in the dark or the evils that kill in daylight.

A thousand may fall dead beside you,ten thousand all around you,but you will not be harmed. You will look and see how the wicked are punished.

You have made the Lord your defender,the Most High your protector, and so no disaster will strike you,no violence will come near your home. God will put his angels in charge of you to protect you wherever you go. They will hold you up with their hands to keep you from hurting your feet on the stones. You will trample down lions and snakes,fierce lions and poisonous snakes.

God says, "I will save those who love me and will protect those who acknowledge me as Lord. When they call to me, I will answer them;when they are in trouble, I will be with them.I will rescue them and honor them. I will reward them with long life;

I will save them."

As I fly from place to place on Helios and travel in MWRAPS I am continually reminded that God is truly the one in charge of my life, my breath, my all...funny how it felt different in the states...but in reality it is the same there as here, one just becomes a little more aware of it after saying goodbye to a few friends before you were ready...

Blessings on your journey,

If you find yourself in my neck of the woods, look me up
Ill leave the light on

T. S.

I swear to support and defend...so help me God

Two years ago today I raised my right hand and took an oath that has forever altered the course of my life. In my journey from pastor to active duty chaplain, I always believed I would be deployed, but now after living the reality the last 5 months here in Jalalabad Afghanistan I can honestly say, one never really can grasp the enormity of seemingly innocuous decisions. I would not change a bit knowing what I know, but I think I would have appreciated the journey to get here a little more. I would have reflected more on my own words of faith, "If God be for us who can be against us."

As I reflect back today, there were so many border bullies along the way to this dream, so many saying; your too old, your too broken, you dont have the right degrees, the right personalities, wrong color, wrong faith, wrong sex....and yet here I stand on the dream God gave me three years ago, in country, on active duty, loving God, and bringing Jesus to Joes, and Joes to Jesus. What a God.

Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
Ps 139:7-10

I raised my right hand to swear and serve,
because my God held me in his hand and swore to preserve

AMEN and further up and further onward into the journey,
and if God should decide that in this life, I must lay it down so others
may live, so be it, dont weep for me, for I shall be dancing and dining in
His presence!

God bless

Troy

God's presence in J-Bad in the Hood

One can never imagine
until you have actually been to war,
what really goes on,
the collateral damage,
the friends that will smile no more,
the loss, the pain, the fear the strain,
Words like IED, 50 cal and HME
MWRAPS, GB38s, Mortuary affairs, and FST
All carry their own story,
and become part of ones vocabulary

I looked for God's hand in the clouds,
In the chapel, in the ground,
purchased with great men's blood and dreams.
I asked the creator to be our forward shield,
Our rear guard on our RCPs.
Trusting his heart
When His hand just cant be seen

The Afghan people are real and tough
they just don't value their freedom enough
or else they have just given up...
perhaps their lot of a 1000 years of war
have broken their spirit,
and left them with nothing more.

I buried two friends since I came
I said words of hope and grace..
Striving to bring help and healing
Believing we will again see each face...

What can one man do in the face of so much pain,
What can I do God but proclaim your name..

Don't weep for me
When it is my time to die,
Ill dance my way to heaven
As from this earth Ill fly

J-Bad in the Hood

 

Well hello all, It has been over a year since I posted....so much as happened, the best of times the worst of times for sure....I have traveled the US three times back and across. I have dove the Keys, swam with Sharks, been touched by an Angel, graduated military OCS, went Active Duty, got stationed in Hawaii, and been deployed to Afghanistan which is where I am currently writing this. It seemed most excellent to me oh blogsters to take pen in hand (as it were a keyboard) and to record my thoughts of my journey as it continues.. there is no one to talk to here for me to share my joys or sorrows with, so I will use the nebulous internet as my confidant.

To the God who sees all, knows all, loves all, be glory from the journey..I have learned the joy is in the journey not the destination...thank you God!

Further up and further in

Ch B